Friends OR Wannabe Friends ?

What does a friend mean ? Is it a mutual understanding of equal exchange or a love of two humans. It is the second most Strongest bond ( after family ) you'll make in your life. Those moments made should be one you could cherish when you remember, not make you cringe or gloomy & repent those days. It should be such that when you sit back and relax you couldn't be happier to have found such friends. You should be able to narrate those stories to someone with a smile on the face and unending cherished moments.

Sometimes you get a little frustrated which you cannot share with none other than your friends because such conversations with family becomes awkward. Now facing such frustration you expect to get some consolation and a little attention. But then you sit down to chat with a close friend of yours with whom you used to have long talks and receive just those generic reply's "OK" and "Hmm" that too after a long interval. It appears weird so you might think that the friend might be having some problems of their own being a close friend you could anticipate these. In my case my friend was kinda depressed soul  so my guesses were right and thus I left her alone for awhile. But you yourself not being in the right mood might forget this ( as for me ) and text them again.

These trivial things are so harsh that it sparks up your anger. This topped of with ignorance might wake up your insecurities and rub you so hard which might lead to a mixed feeling of anger, sadness, insecurity. For some it might be the optimally easy solution to carry on with a happy face when with others but the opposite is harsher inside.

As for me this wasn't enough. My two best buddy started being busy whenever I called. I shook it off as a coincidence but damn that fickle mind, it went deeper into thought ignoring the fact that maybe my timing was wrong but those mixed up feelings affected it the wrong way. Every possible probability started to pop up adding onto the anger I tried suppressing. Now in such a situation your control over your brain and heart disconnects and it becomes a mind controlled delusion where the heart has no power to act. Friends whom you thought to be the best ever could also turn out to be opposite due to the influence of that stored sadness and anger on your thoughts fueling the hatred.

Your mind wanders into some lonesome realm. During this time nothing other than you could help yourself blow off the pent off the steam which requires you to be in control of you mind. This experience was a result of maybe expecting too much or for some who didn't expect friends after school could also be such long-lasting and good. That's where I dug up my grave, and faced harshness of friendship.

Are they friends ? This, I couldn't figure out but yes, I could tell that my choices were wrong, maybe my thoughts too. As for now a faithful companion to all writers like me i.e. The Diary took all of those in and washed off all that pent up steam. Maybe someday those friendships I cherished vanish leaving behind just eternal darkness for me to cling onto.
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